Persuasive messages and proposals
The chapter on persuasive messages and proposals is a big one, and it’s important. It’s important because persuasion is part of every message, so the chapter gives us more insight into the kinds of messages we’ve already been talking about, and it’s important because Assignment #2 is a (persuasive) proposal.
There are four general things to keep in mind with persuasive messages (and persuasive proposals):
1) As always, knowing your audience and thinking about your message from your audience’s point of view is key. In some circumstances, research might be advisable (the gathering of demographic or psychographic information), but however you research your audience, “good persuasion depends on knowledge as well as imagination and logic” (297).
2) Good persuasion also clearly develops reader benefits. These benefits may be tangible (measurable, immediate) or intangible (think longer-term benefits that can’t be touched/measured). RLC also mention “added-on benefits” such as door prizes, short-lived benefits that might not have long-term value.
3) Remember Aristotle’s notion of persuasion and the roles of ethos (credibility), logos (reason), and pathos (emotion). You need to know your audience in order to choose to focus on the method they’ll be persuaded by most. Although we have three basic kinds of appeal available to us whenever we present an argument, the ethos and pathos must always be used to support and reinforce logos: if our case fails on rational grounds, it usually fails completely – no matter how persuasive we might otherwise be.
4) Make it easy for your readers to comply: make the requested action as clear and easy to perform as possible.
As you work through persuasive messages, you should also keep in mind the question of goals. Think about the primary and secondary purposes of the message.
Primary purposes
to motivate readers to read the message
to have readers act
to provide enough information so that readers know what to do
to overcome any objections that might prevent or delay action
Secondary purposes
to build a good image of the writer
to enhance the reputation of the writer’s organization
to cement a good relationship between the writer and readers
to reduce or eliminate future correspondence on the same subject (or to make readers more likely to respond positively next time); think efficiency!
The persuasive message
We all write persuasive requests, and some of us do so often. Examples of common persuasive requests include job search cover letters, fundraising messages, letters to coworkers to prepare for meetings, and appeals for changes in behaviour in fellow employees or even friends.
In all these situations it is important to
1) determine what you want (what do you want people to do?)
2) figure out your readers’ likely reactions (what possible objections will the audience have?)
3) decide on a strategy to evoke a positive response (how strong is your case, and what kind of persuasion is best for the culture and organization?)
Use imagination and reasoning in figuring out how to gain attention. You might want to arouse curiosity with a question, or offer a reader benefit.
Use convincing details and the you-viewpoint to develop the desire or need in the reader’s mind. Be specific and make every word count.
Make your request clearly and positively. Avoid wording that could put images in your reader’s mind to detract from your message and work against you.
End the message in a way that will make your request memorable—emphasize a benefit to the reader or remind him or her of an appeal you used in the body of your request.
The opening
As with other types of indirect messages, the beginning of this type of message should set up the explanation. But the beginnings of persuasive messages have an additional goal: to gain attention.
You are writing to someone who probably does not agree with your goal. He or she has little or no interest in receiving what you have to say. Thus, you need to gain the reader’s attention.
Determining how to gain attention requires both imagination and logic; it requires being able to imagine yourself in the reader’s shoes and to find a logical link between the topic of the message and the reader’s likely interests.
For example, for the beginning of a message seeking to persuade medical doctors to give you their opinions, you might write, “What, in your opinion as a medical doctor, is the future of the private practice of medicine?”
Or to take another example, for a message requesting contributions for orphaned children, you might write, “While you and I dined heartily last night, 31 orphans at The Calgary Mission had only dried beans to eat.” However, avoid sounding overly sentimental or dramatic in tone. In general, keep it real.
The body
Following the attention-gaining opening, you present the reasoning this opening has set up. To do this, you do more than just list points—you persuade. You use words that convince. You use the you-viewpoint. And make your words travel fast, for slow-moving messages lead the reader to become impatient.
Then, when you have persuaded the reader to accept your proposal, you ask for what you seek. If you have done the persuading adequately, this part follows naturally. Choose the words that make your request with care, for the request is the riskiest part of your message. Avoid any wording that detracts from the request. And avoid words that bring to mind pictures and things that might work against you—such as reminders of reasons for refusing.
For example, do not write it like this: “I am aware that businesspeople in your position have little free time to give, but will you please consider accepting an assignment to the board of directors of the Children’s Fund?”
Instead, write something like this: “Because your organizing skills are so desperately needed, will you please serve on the board of directors of the Children’s Fund?”
The close
The request can end the message. But sometimes it helps to follow it with additional words of explanation.
This plan is especially effective when a long persuasion effort is needed, and it is not practical to present it all before stating your goal.
Sometimes you may choose to follow the request with a reminder of an appeal you used in your persuasion—to emphasize a benefit the reader will receive by complying.
The AIDA pattern
One common indirect approach to the indirect persuasive message is called the AIDA pattern. AIDA is a helpful mnemonic standing for (A)ttention, (I)nterest), (D)esire, and (A)ction, though that leaves out a useful note (R)esistance. The pattern may be almost self-explanatory, but here’s some further detail.
Gain Attention: open with a provocative headline, startling statements of facts, audience benefit, compliment, quotation, question, summary of a problem/action, stories, or point of agreement.
Create Interest: support your argument in concrete and specific terms (e.g., facts, figures, examples, experts), underlining benefits and appealing to fairness.
Build Desire while reducing Resistance: imagine and anticipate scenarios, underline credibility, and cite testimonials and test results.
Motivate Action: reinforce benefits, ask for a specific response, and give deadlines linked to incentives.
Summing up the persuasive message
To put this more generally, here’s an organizational pattern to follow:
Catch your reader’s interest by defining, and mentioning, a common ground
Define the problem which you both share (and which your request, you will argue, will solve if accepted)
Explain the (your) solution to the problem. This, and the following two items, are – in effect – your argument
Demonstrate that any negative elements (cost, time, etc.) are outweighed by advantages
Summarize any additional benefits of the solution (reasons) and if appropriate
Build in emotional appeal
Tell (always watch tone) your readers exactly what should be done/what you want them to do
Proposals
Assignment #2 is an internal, unsolicited proposal. A proposal is in many ways similar to a report, but the element of persuasion in proposals is more clear. A proposal will often use a direct pattern, especially when solicited, but again the choice depends upon how the audience is expected to receive the proposal.
RLC’s section on “Proposal Format and Contents” is important to review for Assignment #2, though all the issues listed there won’t necessarily apply. Make sure, though, that you consider the five steps outlined there:
The writer’s purpose and the reader’s need
The background
The specific need
The description of your plan
The benefits of the proposal
Examples
The opening
Remember that the opening of your persuasive message gives you one chance to convince your reader to keep reading. Think of your own experiences as you begin to view just about any document, print or electronic. A good opening has to seize the reader’s attention, but it also has to be connected in a meaningful way to the content of the letter. If your opening is surprising or makes a reader curious but isn’t then connected fully to the persuasive message, the reader will feel misled and dismiss your message. First, here are some different ways to open a persuasive message (without any context of what the message is about).
It’s not fair!
What’s not fair? Everyone has an interest in unfairness. I’m curious.
Sitting is the new smoking.
This startles me. How is this true?
“Do not use semicolons … All they do is show you’ve been to college.”
-Kurt Vonnegut
This is an interesting quote. The person being quoted adds an immediate context (and sometimes authority) to your message.
Dear Writer,
What is the best way to start writing?
Asking a question can also get a reader’s attention.
Dear Reader,
[and here you tell your reader a story]
Narratives, stories, and anecdotes are also good ways to gain attention.
What do you think of these openings, now with some context (RLC, “Skills-Building Exercises” #8, p. 351)?
Product or Service: A Credit Card That Gives Bonus Points toward Multiple Airlines
1. Where would you like to go? How would you like to get there?
2. With a Blue Horizons credit card, you’ll get 5,000 sky points just for opening an account.
3. How does “no annual fee” sound?
We’ve just said that asking a question is a good technique to gain attention, but the questions in the first opening might be slightly vague. The second gives specific information, but it jumps far too quickly to that information. The reader has no idea why this is a good thing. The third is again technically a question, but as a yes-or-no question, it has a very different effect. A credit card with no annual fee is not all that unusual – meaning the opening might not gain all that much attention – and a reader might simply toss the message without reading further. These openings leave room for improvement, but the first is the best of the three.
Product or Service: A Financial Consulting Service
1. Would you hire yourself to manage your portfolio?
2. Are you satisfied with the income your portfolio earned last year?
3. Dimmitt-Hawes Financial Services has helped its clients make money for over half a century.
The first is yes-or-no question, but it’s a good way to grab attention. The strategy backfires a bit if the answer is yes (it assumes a lack of ability in the audience that some people might find rude), but this is still fairly original and personal. The second isn’t the great either: answers would vary, and the point of the question isn’t clear (as with the first question). The last opening establishes credibility, but otherwise falls flat, neither seizing the reader’s attention nor distinguishing Dimmitt-Hawes from any other service. Overall, these are not the best possible openings. What might work better?
Reader benefits and reader objections
Look at “Problem-Solving Case” #3 (p. 353), “Persuading a Professional to Let You Shadow Him/Her/Them.”
As an exercise that would be preliminary to actually writing the persuasive message (“Please let me shadow you for half a day!”), consider how you would persuade your audience and counter your audience’s objections. In other words, think about reader benefits and balance those against reader objections.
What might we come up with?
Reader benefits:
increasing awareness of the professional’s job
acknowledging value in the professional’s work
fulfilling a company’s volunteer policy
getting to know a potential future colleague
learning about a fresh perspective on the work
promoting goodwill in the workplace
Reader objections:
too much hassle
don’t have the time
work is too confidential in nature
don’t want to have to entertain student for the day
Are there other possibilities? I’d also like you to think about a one-sentence opening that would gain this reader’s attention (you can choose the field of the professional, if necessary). In the comments section below, give any other possibilities you can think of (if any) and a possible opening for the message.
More on verbs
Readings
For this week, read or re-read CWH, Sections 8-9; RLC, pp. 141-3 and A-13 to A-22.
Much of the grammar reading for this week covers material that should be familiar (especially in CWH, Section 8). When it comes to possible problems with verbs, we have also at least touched on most of the issues this week’s readings raise. However, review might help (some effective redundancy!), and some of the cautions will be new. We’ll look at tense, active/passive voice, subject-verb agreement, expletives constructions, and how verbs can sometimes be hidden in places they ought not to be hidden.
Tense
Verb tense indicates when the events you’re writing about took, are taking, or will take place. Although tense is no doubt familiar to you, remember that when writing statements of fact, you should use the present tense, even when the facts happened in the past. This is also known as the “historical present” tense:
The author of Beowulf wants the audience to reflect on the rather gloomy worldview that everything dies, decays, and disappears. [historical present tense, used even though the poem was written over 1,000 years ago]
When Jason Abbott writes “I regret to report that I must refuse your claim,” he ignores all of the textbook’s advice for composing negative messages and preserving goodwill. [historical present]
You should also make sure to be consistent in your choice of tense. This might sound like a problem that couldn’t happen, but unwarranted verb tense switches are a common problem in assignments in this course.
Active and passive voice
We’ve talked about this enough, but just remember to use the active voice unless you can explain to yourself why you are using the passive voice.
I will fix this problem. [active]
This problem will be fixed by me. [passive]
This problem will be fixed. [passive; agent completely removed from the sentence]
Why might you want to use Sentence #2? When you want to emphasize “this problem” and the fact that it will be fixed; when the agent is less important than thing being acted upon.
Why might you want to use Sentence #3? Same answers as Sentence #2, except further when you don’t perhaps know or don’t want to mention who (or when or how) the problem will be fixed. This version emphasizes even more clearly the action that will be take instead of who will take it.
Subject-verb agreement
This might also seem like a simple problem to avoid, but I want to mention two particular instances that can cause problems.
First of all, single subjects sometimes have plural modifiers that come between the simple subject (the subject stripped of its modifiers) and the verb:
The manuscript of Alcuin’s collected works does not exist. [plural “works” being part of the phrase modifying “manuscript” might fool you into thinking you need a plural verb]
Each of the red books is lost. [“each” is always singular, no matter how it’s modified]
Neither of us usually uses a title. [“neither ” is always singular, not matter how it’s modified; “either” is also always singular]
A majority of ridings is all it takes to elect a Prime Minister. [people often treat “majority” as plural; it’s not]
The data in this case are difficult to interpret. [people often treat “data” as singular: the singular is “datum”; however, usage seems to be shifting, so look to organization practice for confirmation of how to treat “data”]
Subjects after verbs
The point of this section in CWH is to say that verbs must agree subjects, even when subjects have been moved from the subject position. However, this gives us an opportunity for review. Recall that expletive constructions like “it is” and “there is” use “it” and “there” as placeholders for a subject that has been moved to a place later in the sentence:
It is unfortunate that the main streets of many small Ontario towns are littered with empty buildings. [expletive construction]
That the main streets of many small Ontario towns are littered with empty buildings is unfortunate. [subject in subject position]
There is no way to win this game of life. [expletive construction]
This game of life can’t be won. [subject in subject position]
As with the passive voice, expletive constructions should only be used if you can explain why you want to move the subject elsewhere in the sentence. In the examples above, the expletive construction in the first instance very much emphasizes “unfortunate”; the other version of that sentence emphasizes the “main streets”: which you choose should depend on the fuller context of your message and how this sentence connects (or is cohesive) with the sentence before (or after it). The second pair of sentences is a little different because the two sentences can’t be transformed without slightly changing them: notice how the expletive construction much more directly states that there’s “no way” to win.
Action verbs/camouflaged verbs/nominalizations
The first example in RLC (p. 141) is an expletive construction (they use idea of a “dummy subject” instead), emphasizing how such a construction obscures the action of a sentence (I’ve added a version and made some minor changes):
There are over 300 customers served by our help desk each day. [expletive]
Over 300 customers are served by our help desk each day. [passive]
Our help desk serves over 300 customers each day. [action verb; no form of “to be”]
Other possible considerations aside, I hope you agree that the third sentence is to be preferred (direct; clearer; shorter).
Another way that actions sometimes get obscured is through “camouflaged verbs” or, as they usually are, “nominalizations.” Nominalization is the changing of anything into a noun. How do verbs become nouns?
The intention of the committee is to audit the records. [the action “to intend” has been converted into a noun, “intention”]
The committee intends to audit the records. [much better; again, though, unless you’re writing about intentions in a way that makes the first version preferable]
The agency conducted an investigation. [nominalization: “to investigate” becomes “investigation”]
The agency investigated.
Notice how nominalizations are also implicated in wordiness. Outside of generally preferring to have actions in verbs, editing for concision should also lead you to move actions out of nouns. Try this sentence:
Because the student’s preparation for the grammar quiz was thorough, none of the questions was a surprise.
Because the student prepared thoroughly for the grammar quiz, none of the questions was a surprise. [notice that “none” is singular; it’s a contraction of “not one”]
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