Kelly’s Post
In the first chapter something that stood out to me is the part about friends dying and how often this kind of loss is not considered to be as deep as other losses such as the loss of a parent etc. “There is a tendency to believe that the most important human relationships are found within not outside, families” (pg. 408) I’ve never liked the saying “Blood is thicker than water” something I heard often from my family growing up, yet there were seldom any actions behind what they said. Anyway, I have experienced the loss of my mom and my sister and too many friends to count. I admit that my mom and sister may have been the hardest but because of reasons that had little to do with who they were to me (related) the loss of a friend and especially a close one can be just as hard and for me, I really didn’t have a family support system after my mom died so I was left with my friends. I do think that there should be more given to this as in time off from work etc.
In the second chapter what stood out the most was when they talked about suicide can be immediate or long term. “thus alcohol abuse can be suicidal behavior because, in attempting to solve existential problems, it makes use of something that can be fatal over time” (pg.437) This really hit home for me. I have never seen it put like this or acknowledged but have said for many years, that in reality both my mom and my sister committed suicide, it just took them longer to accomplish. I’ve never understood why it seemed unrecognized as a slow suicide. Both of them died when they were only 38 years old, so they were not old at all and it didn’t take them as long as it might take others who abuse alcohol. I was just happy to read that part it was validating for me in what I have thought for so many years.
Bruces interviews are becoming a little harder to listen to, because I know the end is near. In the first one, he cried, which I don’t know that he’s done before, and this made me cry. They talk about mystical dreams which I found somewhat comforting. What he said about how easily he can call back those who have gone before him energetically. He dreams of angels and his loved ones who are no longer on earth. I’ve heard of this happening and witnessed it when a friend of mine was on her deathbed. I think we can call them to us even before we are nearing death. But it does seem to be stronger as a person gets closer to dying. He talks about how he questioned will he live the life he had been given or die in anger, frustration, grief. It takes a while for him to get his answer and it ends up being from the Dalai Lama and what a cool story that was. The Dalai Lama says “Blessing must come from our own actions, our own motivations” I want to remember this. Bruce was asked what it was like to be blessed by the holy man and he realizes that he was not blessed at all, that it wasn’t about that but was about what blessing you will give. Bruce asks himself as my body gets weaker, how can I bring healing to a world that clearly needs healing. Wow how powerful and admirable! He says that his role then as a human being was to offer healing as he tries to tell what its like to die. By this time he has little strength left in his hands and his voice is weakening and yet he concludes that the Dalai Lama was telling him that he is not done, he is not done until he is finished. Another thing that is so powerful!!
They then go into his experience with the neurologist who gave him his diagnosis and he says it was a violent and harmful experience. Bruce says that there was a total disregard for the so very human experience that moment when you tell someone that their lives are going to change forever, is a holy moment where vulnerability is meant to be shared. He talks about how he allowed it to happen and allowed it to hurt the one he loves more than life itself. His wife. In listening to this, I was reminded of what we learned in chapter 5. It states “medical professionals need to present the news of a life threatening diagnosis in a manner that will serve the best interests of the patient” (pg.182) it further states “Responding to the emotional and spiritual needs of the patients and their families, can be as important as caring for physical needs” (pg. 184) Bruce’s doctor clearly did not do this and I am happy that he decided to go back after 3 years and let him know how it felt. I too hope that this doctor hears his voice when he needs to give these diagnosis’s. The last interview they discussed caregiver issues and how important it was that Ev, decided to go to working only part time and that she take 2 hours daily to care for herself. She says that she needs to refill her well. In chapter 5, they also talk about this and caregiver stress and compassion fatigue. There is talk about a copy of his advanced care directive taped to their refrigerator. Bruce says he thinks that this is healthy to talk about such things and wonders why Ev doesn’t have one. It seemed that this was much harder for Ev than for Bruce. She does say that a doctor told them that they don’t want to have to make a decision in the crush of an emergency. There is also a POLST with the advanced care directive and in chapter 6 they describe POLST as “transfers a patients wishes into a set of medical orders that must be followed” (pg. 234) A POLST covers many things such as if a patient wants CPR or artificial feeding etc. I continue to be in awe of how well Bruce handled this, even though he admits to feeling resentful, angry and sad at times. I don’t know that he would be human if he hadn’t felt those things. His desire to continue to be of healing to others throughout it all is what really gets to me. If we all had that within ourselves, even in general not when we have a terminal illness, how much better the world could be.
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